Have you ever felt God calling you in one direction, but you chose something else? Perhaps God was calling you to adopt, and you didn’t, or He was calling you to leave one place to pursue a completely different calling. Maybe He was preparing and leading your heart in one direction, but you were too afraid to listen.
Is it possible to disappoint God? Sometimes it feels like choosing His direction requires a huge leap of faith that we just cannot summon. What does that say about our faith–and our faith in His provision? I’ve said no to God’s plans before, when the dream didn’t seem to work out on paper, or when others in my life were not on board. I’ve talked to people who said no to God’s call. With what, then, are we left, when we try to navigate on our own? Will there be a second chance later? Will God ultimately bring us toward His calling even despite our own weak attempts at navigating?
What do we do, then, on the other side of our decision? There is a sense of guilt weighing on my heart even as I pray for a heart change. The prayer for a heart change isn’t even to do what I feel God nudging me to do, because my heart is already there, too. My prayer is that my heart will change and be rejuvenated for where I am now, in my current season, even as I continue to seek what I know God is calling me to do. I’m not abandoning His call. In fact, I’m actively pursuing it, even as I write this morning. But did His call for me require a bigger leap of faith than I am taking right now? Why am I allowing it to be about my comfort zone instead of His beautiful promise of provision?
I’m continuing to put one foot in front of the other toward my God-shaped dream, always seeking what Emily P. Freeman refers to in her podcast as “The Next Right Step.” I have so many goals this summer. Self-care is also very high on my list, especially after last summer.
But even so, I continue to wonder, am I disappointing God? Can we ever disappoint Him, even as we remain in the very seasons He once called us toward? Psalm 90 in the Message ends with, “And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us, confirming the work we do. Oh, yes. Affirm the work we do!”
“And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us, confirming the work we do. Oh, yes. Affirm the work we do!”
Lord, I pray that you will inspire me in my work, when it’s easy to feel defeated by situations I cannot fix. God, you have given me a strong faith. I cannot disappoint you if I believe in You and love You and continue to work through this, always seeking You. I want to listen so badly, and allow you to grant my anxious heart peace. I made a decision in fear because I was scared to step out in faith. I continue to seek Your holy wisdom even as I allow my current season to slowly make way for the dream you have placed on my heart. Amen.